I Don't Have Multiple Women, But She Doesn't Believe Me!

Dating Question of the Week:

“Dear Christen,

I met a woman who I really like. We’ve gone on two dates so far and she’s beautiful, smart, well-spoken, and loves her family. There’s one problem; she constantly brings up the “hoes” I don’t have. I know it’s only two dates, so she doesn’t know me, know me. I haven’t even done anything for her to think I have all these women in my phone (because I don’t). What do I do to get her to believe that I’m not messing with a bunch of women?

Signed,

I Only Have Eyes For Her”

 

Reply:

 

Hi I Only Have Eyes For Her,

 

First, let me start by saying, it’s not you (from what I can tell). From the way you wrote about her, it looks like you truly are interested in getting to know her. I can also imagine the annoyance you feel by constantly having someone question you for absolutely no reason. Since I can’t speak to her directly, I want to ask you a question:

 

If she doesn’t trust you now, how do you expect to progress with her?

 

Look, she sounds amazing…almost. I’ve seen it over and over again before. Someone gets hurt and has a plethora of trust issues that they carry from one person to the next. Usually, these issues that are being carried aren’t being addressed. Naturally, it affects the next person. With this specific case, that person is you. I tell people who end up dating partners with trust issues that there a few options that you can take.

Before you take any advice I give you though…decide if she’s worth it. Seriously. I only say this because it’s literally been two dates. Two. Dates. Two dates and she’s already showing trust issues so visible that you wrote to me. With the billions of people on this planet, finding another “beautiful, intelligent, well-spoken woman who loves her family” won’t be that hard. On top of that, if you were able to attract this caliber of woman once, you’ll be able to attract another woman like her again…but without the trust issues attached.

If you end up deciding that she is worth it, you can take a couple of different approaches to this. One approach is to “show and prove”. It seems like that’s what you’ve been doing, but with only two dates she’s looking for consistency in your actions. She’s not your girlfriend, so you’re not required to give her your phone or anything like that. I’m more so suggesting continuing to do things like giving her your full attention on dates, calling instead of texting her, etc.

And to be even more honest than that, you don’t need to do more than what I suggested. I’m all about dating complete and emotionally stable people. If she has a few trust issues that you can deal with right now, then fine. However, if she continues to question you even after you’ve continuously proven that she has nothing to worry about…leave her homie. Forgive the cliché, but there’s just too many “fish in the sea” for you to put valuable emotion and effort into someone who isn’t truly ready for a healthy relationship. Let me know how it goes!

 

Kind Regards,

Christen T.