Dating Question of the Week: "How Can I Get Out of the Friendzone? Help!"

Hi Christen,

I can’t seem to ever meet any man who wants me as more than a friend in their life. How do I shake this home girl syndrome and break out of the friend zone for good?



 Hi V.!

Since I can’t talk to you face to face, I want to ask you a few questions that you can ask yourself at a later time about what’s happening in your dating life:

First…how are you letting men know that you’re interested in them?

To be quite frank, you gotta let a man know how you feel in plain and verbatim terms. I’m not saying you need to dumb anything down when speaking to the opposite sex, but you do need to be clear about your intentions from the start. And when I say clear I mean…clear.

I don’t mean sending a sideways smirk emoji in a text and thinking that’s “clear”, or smiling at a man in a hallway and thinking that should let him know you want him to talk to you. I mean seeing a man who you’re attracted to, asking his name, sparking a conversation, and asking if he’s single or not…type of clear.

If you’re constantly in the friend zone it probably means you’re putting out “friend” signals. Now please don’t think I’m saying you all of a sudden need to change your entire personality, but maybe adjusting your approach with men should be the goal. If you’re waiting for someone to ask you out, ask him out first instead. If you’re at a bar and see a cute guy, go up to him and tell him he’s cute in a way that’s comfortable for you. Since we’re on the subject, let me ask another question:

Where are you meeting men?

Some women fall into the friend zone, because they only hang around their male friends when they don’t want to be “just friends”. Again…it’s all about setting intention from the beginning. With that being said, you can easily adjust where you’re meeting guys. If the bar and club scene isn’t really where you like to go there’s plenty of other places you can go instead to put yourself around great men. Most people don’t think of it, but networking events are a great way to meet professional, stable men. You can also go to specific events that intrigue your interest, and know that you’ll be around men who you have at least one thing in common with and can build from.

So…basically my advice is set clear intentions from the beginning and change around where you meet men. Get a new roster, girl! Have fun and practice being intentionally fun and flirty in way that makes sense for your personality. Now also remember…fun and flirty doesn’t mean he’ll 100% get it. If you do end up vibing with someone, don’t be afraid to ask for their number first. Put yourself out there when you find a connection that you think is worth it and the friendzone shouldn’t be an issue for you anymore. Hopefully that helps, and write back soon to let me know how your new adventures in the dating world are going!

-Christen T.

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