Your New Year’s Dating Resolution for 2019: If It’s “A New You”, It’s Time for A New Boo
It’s the end of the year and most of us are looking forward to entering 2019. Some of you may have already finished writing out your goals and resolutions and others of you may just be getting started. Either way, I wanted to contribute by helping you with the dating part of your New Year’s Resolution. To all of the people entering next year without a significant other, this one really is for you.
This isn’t a typical “how to snag a boyfriend/girlfriend” post, nor is it a full blown recipe for how to land the love of your life next year. What it is, though, is a guideline for making smarter decisions in your dating life next year. One of my favorite quotes has always been, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”
No matter where you are on the personal growth scale of dating, hopefully, one or all of these dating resolutions can help to set you up on the right path:
1. Put yourself out there.
You’ve heard this before and maybe even thought you were doing it. Here’s the thing…if you don’t have a significant other in your phone to call right now…you probably didn’t do it correctly. Now, this can mean a lot of different things for different people. For some people, going to a bar is a huge accomplishment in their personal lives, and for others, they’re in the bar every other week and yet to have met anyone they deem “quality”. Whether you’re an introvert trying to spread your wings or a socialite who is the King/Queen of your local bar…you need to switch it up. If you don’t go out at all, plan a night out to a lounge or bar, with your friends, you’ve been wanting to go to. If you’re already a social butterfly, change around where you look for “a mate”. Instead of bars try networking events within your industry, joining a club that’s based around a specific interest, or even taking a class for a hobby you’ve always wanted to learn about. The more you diversify where you look, the better chances of you having different results with the type of people you’ll meet.
2. Finally start listening to your intuition.
People have this horrible habit of ignoring their intuition even when they know it’s trying to lead them in the right direction…stop that shit. It’s now 2019, so you’re going to start paying attention to the red flags and begin to be cognizant of that gnawing feeling in the bottom of your belly. How many times has your intuition alerted you about someone you were dating, you ignored it, and ended up in a horrible situation? Don’t worry…you don’t have to tell me. The point is, it’s time to stop ignoring that feeling. Luckily, we’re all built with sensors in our brains and bodies that keep us safe. If you go down a dark alley by yourself, a sensor goes off, you pay attention and walk the opposite way. If you’ve been dating someone for a couple of weeks, they say something to you that throws you off, a sensor goes off, and you continue to date them without questioning. It’s time to stop this. Your intuition is a gift to you directly from the universe. Use it.
3. Apply the lessons.
“Aye…there’s the rub.” If you don’t know Shakespeare he was basically saying, “Well damn…that just made everything make sense.” What good is it to go through a bunch of B.S. just to get to the next situation and forget everything you’ve learned? It’s no good at all. I don’t know your personal dating story, but I can assume that you’ve been through enough at this point to have some type of wisdom when it comes to the dating world. You may not be a matchmaker or dating coach, but you’ve been out there enough to have learned a few things. Now…it’s time to apply the lessons you’ve learned to your current dating life. Stop making the same mistakes and start genuinely trying to learn from them.
4. Be present.
One of the things that kills a lot of relationships (outside of communication, lack of trust, and infidelity) is not being present. Many people go into new relationships in one of two ways: with past baggage, hopes, heartbreaks etc. or with future expectations, plans, and standards unknown to the other person involved. Bringing unresolved damage for your new partner to fix isn’t fair, and planning a wedding and kids in your head before you’ve even truly gotten to know the other person isn’t fair either. The way to enter relationships in the New Year is to simply be present. Leave the past in the past, and let go of expectations of the future. Once you begin to take your relationships one day at a time you’ll start to feel a calmness and peace about your dating life. You’ll also be able to slow yourself down and be able to truly get to know the other person, without putting crazy expectations on them or yourself. Be present, be aware, and begin to have successful, meaningful relationships.
5. Understand…”we accept the things we think we deserve.”
This is written last because if you’ve gotten to this point in the blog, it means you’re really looking for something to help you change your dating results. In life, we meet people who either treat us like the Kings and Queens we are or people who treat us like we barely even matter. The trick in all of that is to begin to shift your awareness around the things you’ve allowed to happen in your dating life and why you allowed them to happen. If you’ve never tolerated disrespect in your relationships, it’s most likely because you know that you deserve nothing less than that. If you have tolerated disrespect in your relationships before, there’s probably something about the way you feel about yourself that allowed you to allow someone else to treat you a certain way. No matter where you are on the scale, just remember…you are worthy of love, dignity, and peace. Accept nothing less.