Social Media, Relationship Goals, and Why All of It Is Complete and Utter Bullshit

Why is dating as a millennial so got damn hard? Seriously. All I know is, social media has altered our expectations of what a healthy relationship looks like. If you open your Twitter app, chances are after a few scrolls you’ll see a couple’s random picture on your timeline, with the words “relationship goals” captioned above it. Now, this couple could really be doing something as simple as… eating dinner, watching a movie, or laying on a beach in that picture but they’re relationship goals? Why? When did the standard for what makes a “happy relationship” become so low? You’re telling me eating dinner with your partner is a… goal? “HOW SWAY?!” Along with that social media also lets you know many people truly do not understand what makes a relationship successful. They see “baecations” being taken and couples in matching clothes and suddenly, THAT’S the goal.

What happened to standards? If you know what happened to them, make them reappear because I’m not seeing them. I saw a tweet on my timeline once that said all this girl wanted was for a man not to lie to her. That’s it? That’s your requirement, sis? For a man not to be a pathological liar? Let me ask this, then: after you find your honest man, then what? What other qualities does this man have that lets you know he meets the rest of your standards? Oh! I forgot… you haven’t really set “standards”. You think standards are basic things like honesty and someone not cheating on you. No, it’s so much more than that.

Standards are only accepting a person in your life who understands and acknowledges their past traumas and has addressed those issues. Standards are you working 10+ hours a day on your dreams and only accepting someone into your life with the same work ethic as you. Standards are making sure you’re not dating a homophobe because you have gay people in your family you love and respect. THOSE are standards. What you all talk about are BASICS. Honesty, respect, loyalty, and communication are the basics of every healthy relationship. You should not be in a relationship where your partner isn’t giving you these things every single day. Hear me loud and clear: the expectation of being treated with human decency from your committed partner within a relationship is a requirement. A standard is an expectation that goes beyond the basic requirements to continue a successful relationship. Know the difference people.

Also, if your struggle is having basic requirements met by the partners you choose for relationships, then you need to sit back and look at your choice of a partner. If a person has reached a certain level of mental and emotional maturity, then that person understands that respecting you is a basic requirement without you even telling them. They understand that true commitment is a part of a relationship and not stepping out on you isn’t an issue. They understand that actual effort is part of a relationship, so they automatically plan their days to include you in them. If you’re someone that has trouble getting these basic needs met in your relationship, it’s time to step back and figure out what and who you’re allowing into your life. If your parent(s) didn’t show you how to have a healthy, loving relationship in your home growing up, you sure as hell won’t find it in a hashtag on social media. Figure out why you attract the people you do, what your actual needs are when it comes to being in a relationship with you (outside of the typical “honesty”, “love”, and “respect” cliché answers), and adjust your energy to attract nothing less than what you know you deserve.

Listen, I look up to Barack and Michelle’s relationship just as much as the next person but we also have to understand that these people (who we look up to and admire not just as The First Family, but also as a couple) met each other after they became whole, separate individuals. Careers were in place, past traumas were addressed as individuals before entering a relationship, and the personal growth of each person reached a point where they knew they were ready to be in a serious, long-term relationship with someone. Therefore, when Michelle and Barack met, it wasn’t two people meeting who didn’t know themselves, what they wanted out of life, or what they needed from a partner. It was two people meeting who had done the work on themselves separately and could attract each other because of that fact. Healthy attracts healthy. Unhealthy attracts unhealthy. Figure out where you are on that spectrum and do the work that will eventually attract someone who supersedes any type of relationship goal you could ever see on your timeline.

So what are you gonna do, friend? Are you going to continue to build superficial pictures in your head of what you think a healthy relationship looks like or are you going to cut the bullshit, look at your choices and be honest with yourself about why you’re single in the first place? It’s your choice, my love. Make the right one.