Is Dating As A Millennial Really Harder Now Than In Past Generations, Or Are We Really Just A Bunch of Whining Babies?
Lately, it feels like most of my generation are a bunch of “Nemo’s” in the “sea of dating”. Most of us (myself included) feel like it’s harder to meet someone now than it was back in our parents’ and grandparents’ generations. Why is that? If you want my opinion (like I knew you would), it’s because we’re focused on certain things in life that warrant a long pause in getting married at a young age. At the same time, there are plenty of pictures of young families that appear on my Facebook timeline, but there’s also a plethora of people who are single and have children. I also know more than a few individuals who have been wed and divorced before 30 years old. Again, why is that?
To be real, individuals have been getting married and broken up before 30 years of age way before millennials were mature enough to start seriously dating. However, it seems like more of the people in our age group aren’t staying in unhealthy relationships for long. Is that because we’re now established enough to have put together the stories we heard around corners in our grandmothers’ homes as young children about our older family members’ personal affairs? Or could it be because most of us became aware of the choices our parents made and subconsciously decided not to make the same mistakes that were placed in front of our faces? Honestly, I’m not sure. All I know is I’m noticing more and more people choosing to focus on building their careers and businesses, rather than putting time into looking for a lifetime companion. And to be honest… that’s fine with me.
As a matchmaker, I’ve seen so many individuals in their early twenties who committed to someone else before they undoubtedly knew who they were, what they wanted in life, or what they needed out of a lifetime companion. I always say to my clients, friends, and family that who I was at 22 is not who I am at almost 30 (thank God for that), and the same applies to them. Your twenties are essentially the “dog days” of your personal and mental growth. You learn a lot about yourself by naturally going through normal adult-life experiences and you start to realize the choices you make because of those life experiences that are happening to you as time continues on. With that being said, if you have a devoted partner alongside you during those “dog days of personal growth”, you both end up having to choose to either grow together or end grow apart. And since most of us around that age don’t know shit about effective communication, pure sacrifice, or what our needs truly are in a long-term relationship we end up ending those relationships as different people from when you began the partnership. Now you’re left having to figure out who you are as an individual outside of a relationship and your ex.
Then some of us chose the opposite path. We may have had a few serious relationships in our twenties, but we realized that self-growth through singleness eventually makes for a healthy and loving relationship. Now, though? Now we’re ready… to a certain extent. Some of us are still growing the careers and businesses, but also realizing that true work needs to be done on ourselves. Luckily, mental health has become a topic that most of us are open to talking about nowadays which is allowing many people to slow down, and figure out who they are as individuals to ensure a healthy and loving relationship in the future. Again… this is all my opinion and observation. I’m just happy that people are learning not only from their own personal mistakes but also the mistakes of others.
Most of us have heard the quote that says, “The definition of insanity is to do the same thing repeatedly while expecting a different result”… or something like that. My point is a lot more people in this generation are more open to going into lifetime relationships with a different mindset than the generations who came before us. Now we may not all know the path to getting to the healthy, committed, and loving relationship phase of our lives but we’re at least open to pausing, taking a breath, and figuring all this shit out one day at a time.